Strange blessings from angst

Unusual hope is buffering

The hurt of struggle and the gift of suffering

The answer is never obvious

The gift to me is not there

In the moments that cut deep into my care

My care of my self

The pain makes me hate me

For I cannot yet amongst the confusion see

The beauty not yet apparent

The lesson not clear

For in this moment I'm dominated by fear

My hope shrivels and withers

I want to crawl into a hole

From physical and mental torment there is no console

The pain starts to recede

Once the mind is surpassed

For I now embrace the suffering as a lesson like class

The school of experience

The achievement of hindsight

Clarity of the lesson starts to appear so bright

Adversity of minutes

Fear of this feeling

That when I surpass the pain I will again be reeling

I never saw this coming

I am now in awe

For I never knew myself like this before

I never knew I had this

I never knew the gift

I never saw suffering and knew strength like this

The beginning is new

The story though a variation

Of the lesson to be learned from my suffering's duration

I first curse the affliction

I first resist and ask why?

The answer is never obvious no matter what I try

I have been bitter

I have then been humbled

By this new lesson to be learned once resistance crumbles

I must trust

I must not resist and let go

For once I do the beauty emerges and life begins again to flow.